


You meet your own gaze with two pairs of eyes.

by JerusalemStrayCat



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Episode: s05e29-32 Change Your Mind, Gen, POV Alternating, POV Second Person, does it count as alternating if they're technically the same person, v confusing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 15:48:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21304583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JerusalemStrayCat/pseuds/JerusalemStrayCat
Summary: One half of Steven wakes up, then the other.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	You meet your own gaze with two pairs of eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> I rewatched that split-screen scene from CYM and thought, "how can I translate that into writing?"  
This is the result.

"Steven? Steven! Wake up!"

The first thing you hear as you regain consciousness is Connie's panicked voice calling your name. As you force your eyes to open, the first thing you see is her face, much closer than you expected from how far away her voice sounds. The whole room is illuminated by White Diamond's light, but there is a dimness to your vision, as though you were seeing through only one eye.

You feel cold and empty, as though a warm blanket had been ripped off you. You feel...diffuse. Fragmented.

As your mind gradually clears, you remember why you blacked out in the first place. You lift the hem of your shirt with a shaky hand. The skin underneath is smooth and featureless, without even a mark showing where your gem once was.

"What?" you say, your voice barely more than a hoarse whisper. "No...wh-where's my -"

A flash of light from above distracts Connie, and you raise your head to look. Your gem, still between White Diamond's fingertips, is glowing, signalling that it is about to take form. White Diamond withdraws her hand, anticipation writ large on her face.

The darkness at the edges of your vision turns to brilliant white. The light surrounding your gem shifts through its previous forms - first Pink Diamond, then Rose Quartz. For a moment you fear (hope?) that your mother will appear in the flesh. Then the form shrinks to that of a human child. It's...you.

The light subsides as your form resolves itself. You see the shocked faces of the Diamonds from two angles - from the front and from below. They remain in stunned silence as you float down to the floor.

You meet your own gaze with two pairs of eyes.

It is the strangest and most terrible feeling in the world, to see yourself simultaneously as a vulnerable, ashen-faced human, actively in the process of dying, and as a luminous specter, formidable and dispassionate.

Though you feel your already meager energy draining by the second, you instinctively reach toward your other self. As soon as you let go of Connie's shoulder and try to take a step, you lose your balance and collapse. Connie cries out in alarm. Your other self startles, almost imperceptibly.

"No...please, I-I need...I need it..." You're almost delirious now, unable to move from where you've fallen, your arm reaching out uselessly. Your other self stays where he stands, watching, silent, motionless.

"What is this?" White Diamond demands. "Where is Pink?"

"She's gone," you say, still not shifting your gaze. Your voice is calm and level.

"... _ What _ did you say?"

Perhaps she didn't hear you. Or perhaps she didn't understand what you meant, but she sees you plainly now for who and what you are, just as you do. What's not to understand?

"ANSWER ME!" White Diamond shouts.

You answer her. The force of your answer blasts cracks in the floor under your feet, shakes the walls, and sends the Diamonds reeling. She definitely heard you this time. You turn your attention back to your other self.

The combination of the shockwave and the vertigo of being in two bodies at once is enough to immobilize you. At least, the you lying on the ground next to Connie, clutching your head in pain. The you standing in front of White Diamond can still move, still walk. So that is what you do.

"Where do you think you're going?”

White Diamond only registers as a faint indignant buzz in your brain at this point. All that exists is the desperate need to be whole, the inexorable pull of opposite poles of a magnet. You have barely enough energy to raise your arm to your approaching other self.

"Help," you whisper to Connie. She picks you up, and you wish you could help her, because as strong as she is you still weigh more than she does. You can feel her arms trembling.

"Hold on," she says.

"Don't you dare take one more step!"

You know White Diamond is talking to you, not Connie, but you keep walking.

" _ That's it - _ "

White Diamond attacks.

Connie stops in her tracks. The terrible brightness in your eyes is back, this time tinged with pink. Several seconds go by as White Diamond keeps her eye beams trained on you - the only version of you she has any interest in.

The brightness fades. Between you and White Diamond is a pink geodesic shield, made of the same stuff as your bubble. You drop the shield and the pink tinge fades as well.

White Diamond growls and attacks again. You put the shield up again, larger this time.

"Don't you wave your shield at me!" White Diamond snarls. The faces of her vessels mimic her fury. "I only want you to be yourself! If you can't do that, I'll do it FOR YOU!"

All of White Diamond's vessels - the damaged Pearl, the other Diamonds, and the Crystal Gems - surround you and blast you with as much power as she can pour into her beams. The attack is so bright that even behind your shield, it's almost impossible to see.

You're running out of time - you can sense it. Connie is struggling to keep from dropping you. You turn to face the Diamonds, and with one decisive motion, send the shield exploding out into pink shards. White Diamond falls to her knees, and the others are thrown backwards.

"No, stop! You're hurting them," you say without thinking, before realizing you are only talking to yourself.

White Diamond loses her balance and drops to all fours. You hadn't comprehended how large her face was until now. Her eyes alone are taller than your entire body, and they glare at you as your two halves finally meet in the middle.

"Here," Connie says after a moment's hesitation, unsure of what else to say.

You are so weak now that it's hard to register what's going on, but a moment later you are being held by a being of light and power instead of flesh and blood.

You are holding your own dead weight in your arms, looking down into his (your) glazed eyes.

And suddenly you understand

"What are you doing? Pink, why are you laughing?"

Because who better to save your life than you

Because the coldness and emptiness and desperation you were feeling have vanished

Because there's nothing that can stop you, not the Diamonds, not your mother's memory, not the ghosts of those you couldn't save

You are laughing and crying and dancing, even though you are still too weak to stand, even though your raw power could destroy you both

You are shining, glowing, making White Diamond look dim in comparison

You are whole again, flesh and blood and light and gem, and your face hurts from smiling (it's a good kind of pain)

And you've never felt more yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who read too much Madeleine L'Engle in her youth?  
I hope you enjoyed this work! Please leave a comment!


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